Things Nobody Tells You About ...

When you are having a baby everyone will tell you about the long nights, napping when the baby naps, the love you feel towards your child.  There are several things that no one tells you about though.  Maybe it's because there is no possible way to prepare you for these events.  Maybe no one says anything so they can laugh on the inside when it happens to you.  Possibly it's because no one remembers these things as the child grows up.

The Anxiety Ridden Dog

We had known that Chance would be a wonderful dog when our new little addition arrived. It was proven when we brought Lucas home for the first time. While Rob and I were greeted ecstatically by Chance, he calmly sniffed the baby before returning to belly rubs.

Within a week Chance would lick Lucas's hairy little head and cuddle nearby the baby.  While we continue to be aware of Chance and the cats while they are near Lucas we feel a little bit better about their interactions.

There is one exception, anytime Lucas squawks or starts crying Chance starts feeling anxiety.  He doesn't know why the baby is crying or how he can make it better, so he starts pacing, watching our every move, laying nearby, or following us wherever we go with his little human.  This of course leads to Chance getting underfoot and then being told to lay down, which on some occasions he refuses to do because that means being more than two feet away from "his" baby.

We've started to invite Chance next to us when the baby is squawking or crying so that he can see that the baby is fine and being taken care of.  This seems to help somewhat.  Now when we must walk around with a fussy baby in our arms, Chance has become comfortable.

The cats are ... well cats.  They don't seem to care if Lucas cries. Spice is simply waiting for the tiny human to become mobile and big enough to give her attention and help her take over the world.  Sugs is keeping a close eye on the little servant as seen in the picture below. By the way, this type of behavior no longer happens as the cats learned quickly that being in the crib meant being assaulted with a squirt bottle.

I still laugh at fart sounds.

There is a misconception that your small infant would only make burping or farting sounds as loud as a whisper.  This illusion is quickly shattered that first time burping.  That first belch from my child had me looking at him as though he was suddenly a college student at a frat party.  Rob and I both laughed loudly at the impressive sound coming forth from our son.

As time goes on, spit up happens as well.  Of course the towel, rag, or burp cloth you use will be completely missed by projectile spit up and it will end up all over whatever shirt you are wearing.  I have succumbed to wearing only Rob's white tee shirts or old concert tees that I still own.  No one told me that feeling sexy or attractive during this wonderful time would be out of the question.  It's not like I have time to blow dry and curl my hair or even apply make up anyways.

I was even more impressed with the first fart I heard blast out of Lucas.  I laughed and immediately posted to social media how epic this fart was.  What people don't tell you is that, within a fairly short time period, you start knowing which farts are just gas and which ones have a lovely mustard colored gift accompanying it.

Four diapers in one hour.

One evening while I was trying to get Lucas to go to sleep, I heard one of his epic farts.  I waited ten minutes before changing in order to avoid being pooped on.  After changing him I went back to getting him to fall asleep.  Ten minutes later there came a rumble and juicy sound from my child's behind, I changed him immediately as he was getting closer to falling asleep.  Twenty minutes after he fell asleep on me, I was about to set him back in his crib when he let another juicy one go.  The rumble woke him from his precious slumber, so I immediately changed him.  I was certain my child was doing it on purpose at this point in an effort to troll his mother.  At this point he's now wide awake.  I looked at the clock and knew if I didn't start the process of heating a bottle he would only wake up shortly after putting him down wanting to be fed.  As I went to go pick him up from the napper on our Pack-N-Play to feed him I hear yet another rumble.

He finally fell asleep after his feeding.  He slept decently that night, allowing for a very tired daddy to get some extra sleep.  The next day, however, he continued the trolling of his parents by doing the same things to Rob.  It seems that daddy was not safe from Lucas's pranks.

The need for a shower!

No one ever tells you that when you have an infant and your life is suddenly busy figuring out schedules and tending to the needs of a little one that simple pleasures, like showering, just fall to the wayside.  I know this sounds disgusting, and quite frankly it is disgusting.  You smell like breast milk, spit up, and poop.  This is not a flattering aroma.

The real reason you long for a shower however is because it is time alone! Getting into the shower - letting hot water run over you - for a brief moment in the day, it's just you.  There's no baby, no breast pump, no animals, no significant other; just a moment to yourself.  Sometimes you take this moment to cry curled up on the bottom of the tub.  Not for any particular reason, but that your hormones are still adjusting and you just need to cry.  The shower becomes a very important part of your life because it's where you can be you.

I'm a teenager again!

Remember when you were a teenager and you changed your outfit a few times before leaving?  I did. It's kinda like that again, except you're not changing to look good, you're changing to stop smelling like poop or spit up. You're changing as often as you change your child.  Why did no one tell me that the need to do laundry wouldn't increase because of baby clothes, but because I would run out of clothes to wear.

One day while taking care of the spit up monster, I was trying to get some laundry done as well. The pediatrician appointment was the next day and I had not a single item to wear.  You then notice that all of Lucas' "easy" zip up footie pajama's are dirty as well.  This is a big problem because when you are at the doctor's office you need to be able to easily change the baby into and out of his clothes lest you incur the wrath of screaming baby.  I was frantically changing loads of laundry in between feedings, diaper changes, floor time, and cuddling.  I almost did not notice the one red item that somehow mixed in with our whites.  Luckily we were spared gaining a new pink wardrobe.

I have become a pillow!

People sometimes wonder why parents of an infant have a hard time getting things done.  I wonder how other parents get things done.  On days or weeks like this past one, when my son decides he just wants a person to hold him all day and all night, I have found myself becoming a pillow.  He's comfortable on my chest, so that's where I put him.  I lay down with him there and watch Netflix while he sleeps away.  Sure I could put him in his napper after I know he's sufficiently asleep, but why would I do that when he's like this?

Or even when they are BOTH like this?

Cuddling the most important people in my life.  It makes smelling like baby, having spit up on my shoulder, hair a mess, and not feeling like a human being worth it.