The Great Move

This blog post was created months ago but not posted at the time.  It's been shared here in retrospect.

I haven't written in months, to be completely honest I have not felt like it.  The words escaped me on every level.  For the past eight torturous months Rob and I were living in the ghetto.  This isn't south side of Chicago ghetto but not the place I imagined bringing our child home to either.  We struggled and tried everything under the sun to support ourselves as well as had some much needed support from family and friends.  We tried every trick we could to keep our spirits up, we pushed each other and pushed ourselves to keep trying, we failed more times than we succeeded but we kept trying. Still the building and area we were living in caused both Rob and I to sink into depression as it sucked every ounce of motivation from us due to lack of sleep and the general environment to which we had to deal with.

At night during the summer we heard countless arguments and saw fist fights of women who were fighting over some man who was cheating on them.  During the day the police and ambulance sirens would drown out any conversation Rob and I would try to have.  On Saturday's from 11 am till 6 pm we heard the church across the street scream "Fish Fry" and "Save Our Church" repeatedly while blaring everything from Christian rap to gospel at levels that prevented us from hearing our own TV, music, or even each other.  This church, that was begging for donations, didn't even hold a service at that location. After several attempts to ask them to turn down the music, and eventually asking to see the permit they were required to have for those types of events, we were instead told to "mind our own business or else." 

At one point or another due to lack of sleep Rob and/or I snapped and would scream at people sitting outside telling them to quiet down.  This stopped out of concern for safety when one night we heard our first gun shot.  Still throughout the summer and on any decent night the neighbors would deal drugs or prostitute themselves off the stoop located directly under our windows.  We adopted a see nothing, say nothing mentality after this.

As the weather cooled down the neighbors started bringing their antics into our hallways. What appeared as drunks and drug induced highs would often be found sleeping in our stairwells, laundry rooms, and even in our parking lot.  One day I sat in the apartment alone and a lady screamed running through the halls, while knocking on doors asking for help.  I've always been someone who would help anyone needing it, yet in this case I instead stayed in the locked apartment quiet with phone in hand.  I feared that it was a scam and that I might be hurt if I tried to help.  It happened again later that night while Rob was home and I immediately called the police.  When they arrived they knew who we had described and explained that she can't afford her bi-polar medication and when she runs out this behavior is the result.  I have never dealt with bi-polar so if this is a side effect I really wouldn't know.

Neighbors can be a problem no matter where you go, however there is one thing that solidified our need to escape the hell we had come into.  The building was infested with three different species of roaches.  It did not matter how much we cleaned, sprayed, set out traps, or kept our food in closed containers, the roaches were so bad and they kept coming back.  While the landlord sprayed if you asked him to, the roaches would just move to another apartment for a day or two and be right back. At one point after spotting dead baby roaches in the freezer, all eating in the apartment stopped.  We kept few items in the house and we ate a lot of $5 pizza's from Little Ceasars, in the car so we could throw out the box. When we did eat in the apartment it was off paper plates with plastic utensils so we could remove any food from the apartment quickly to help minimize the roach infestation.

For both Rob and I we found that there was no light at the end of the tunnel so we had to make our own light.  We tried to make the best of our situation around Christmas by setting up a tree and decorations.  We celebrated with family and friends.  Our friends from Google+ made the holiday more enjoyable with Secret Santa gifts.  We both pushed ourselves a lot to enjoy the holiday as much as we could.  We talked a lot about the baby.  We set the plans for how we were going to better save and plan for the future.  How we wanted to set ourselves up for success so that the low point never happened again.  We found ourselves in a better place mentally as we pushed to turn our hell into a life lesson for us to pass down, so our children never make the same mistakes we made financially putting us in the position we were in. 

After the new year; life took a turn for the better.  We started looking for a new place to live. Finally, as of last week; with the help of Rob's mom we moved into a house.  It's a three bedroom rental in a quiet neighborhood.  We have a fenced in backyard and a basement.  After a hellish week fogging the apartment, cleaning, and fogging the apartment again, we are finally roach free and living in a nice community. 

The first thing I started doing after the move was laundry, washing every blanket, pillow, and item of clothing we own.  The next thing I did was start cooking again.  I've realized how much I missed cooking, more than that I missed sitting at a table to eat off real plates using real utensils.  Rob is setting up his own man cave in the basement.  He insists I'm allowed down there, but I think for the most part I will leave it to be his area.  I have started crocheting again, finished one shawl, started on another and a baby blanket.  This morning I sit at my dining room table and type this out for you all while I sip on fresh coffee from one of my favorite mugs.  

Being away from the hell has brought about a renewed motivation for both Rob and I.  Our depression is lifting quickly as we catch up on sleep and set up our new home.  I can cook healthier meals with fresh vegetables again, and if I want pizza I make it homemade now.  In fact the massive weight gain has stopped due to my ability to eat properly.  At my last doctors appointment the doctor said I am doing wonderfully on my diet as I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  He's proud of the control I've had over my blood sugars and the baby is very healthy.  This of course will become another post that I'm sure you all will love reading.

You would think that I would be grateful that the hell is over, and I am.  I am however; more grateful for going through it.  The greatest lesson I took from all of this was to be grateful of all the little things.  Being able to take a long bath again without the worry of a roach climbing down the wall. Being able to enjoy fresh healthy foods like salads and grilled chicken.  Being able to bake goodies. Not having to check the dog food and cat food for roaches.  Not having 80 year old drafty windows on the coldest nights of the season.  Being awakened in the middle of the night due to bladder instead of loud neighbors.  I'm most grateful for mornings like this one, with a hot cup of coffee and a silent house to work in.  

The dark time has passed and while the silence and calm may disappear with the addition of our baby boy in a short 6 weeks or less, I am peaceful knowing that when I bring him home he will be in a safe and clean environment.  Tough times happen, it's important to learn what you can from them.  When you survive you come out of it stronger and hopefully with a better perspective.  I can now breathe a huge sigh of relief, and it sure does feel good.  

The Diabetes Test

This blog post was created months ago but not posted at the time.  It's been shared here in retrospect.

I didn't want to do it.

I knew it would be horrible.

The doctor made me do it...

(Picture from: http://www.reactivehypoglycemia.info/2009/09/5-hour-glucose-tolerance-test/)

I quickly chugged the entire contents of this horrible little bottle.  Immediately afterwards I felt horrible, at one point nauseous even.  Just one more hour and the blood would be drawn and this would be over.  

It wasn't though; the next day I get a phone call from my doctors office.

"Hi Crystal, your test results came back and your glucose level was elevated.  We will need to do the three hour glucose test.  You cannot eat or drink anything but water for at least 10 hours before the test.  We will take a fasting blood sample and then three more blood samples throughout the remainder of the test." 

I winced, first they want all my urine, then they want all my blood.  They would not stop until all bodily fluids had been drained from me completely.  I scheduled the three hour for after the 1st of the year and did as I was told.  They took my blood, I chugged the bottle of icky orange stuff again, and I waited.  I scheduled my doctors appointment in the middle of all of this to keep myself busy and make time go faster.  Finally they drew all the blood they needed and I was finally able to go home.

The next day I got the phone call from my doctors office.  They were classifying me as a high risk pregnancy and I needed to come in the following Tuesday for an appointment.  My levels were elevated too high and I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

My fasting was normal at a wonderful 77, the one hour was 173 the two hour was 182 and the final blood draw was at 162.  I've seen outrageous numbers before so these numbers didn't bother me too much.  However with a blood glucose level that kept rising after two hours that meant the hormones in my body were blocking the insulin my pancreas was producing from doing it's job and my pancreas wasn't producing any more insulin to regulate those glucose levels.

My doctor prescribed a glucose monitor and the nutritionist called me to schedule an appointment to come in.  I called my mother, who has juvenile diabetes and told her.  She pulled the mom move and said, "I don't care that you grew up with a diabetic mother, you listen and do as your nutritionist tells you." I couldn't help but giggle.  

A few days later the nutritionist went over the diet plan. I had spent a few days mentally preparing myself for the "no more pizza, ice cream, junk food" talk for days. After talking to the nutritionist though I found out that I can still enjoy some of my favorite foods so long as I stick to serving sizes and keep active.  I had to watch not just the carbohydrates on the labels but the fats and proteins as well.  High fiber carbohydrates, like whole wheat bread or pasta would be better choices without giving up bread and pasta all together.

I immediately started taking control over my diet and started becoming more active to help regulate my sugar levels.  I was not going to be put on insulin and I am positive I can control this with diet and mild exercise.  I started watching labels for carbohydrates, fats and proteins.  I started eating small meals throughout the day and testing a minimum of 4 times a day like the doctor wanted me too.

Three weeks later and recording my blood sugars religiously; the doctor is very proud of me and where my sugars are at.  He actually thanked me for watching them so closely.  According to my monitor my 15 day average is at 88.  When I do give in to the craving for the high carbohydrate meal my blood sugar does jump up, but for the most part I have been doing extremely well.

According to babycenter.com and my doctor women who have gestational diabetes are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes later in life.  So as a precautionary I have decided that after the baby is born I will have to make a few lifestyle changes to keep my weight under control to reduce that risk.  I'm positive I can do what is necessary to make those changes and stick to them.

It's not hard to keep your blood sugars under control.  I still have the occasional donut for breakfast, pretzels as a snack or ice cream before bed, I do not gorge myself and have only the serving size.  If I find myself at Olive Garden chowing down on Fettuccine Alfredo, I make sure to get in some physical activity afterwards to help my body burn off the extra carbohydrates I consume.

I'm a relatively lazy person when it comes to watching what I eat, but if I can do it anyone can.  If you find yourself diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes listen to your doctor and nutritionist.  Do what they tell you to do and follow the diet.  It's worth it to have a normal sized baby with no additional complications.  

Is Pregnancy Brain Real?

This blog post was created months ago but not posted at the time.  It's been shared here in retrospect.

Starting in second trimester, I found myself being a little more absent minded than usual.  Of course I immediately chalked this up to being "Pregnancy Brain."  Though; to be honest, I think I've been so focused on other things that my absent mindedness was a result of stress.  I didn't think much of it until the day I couldn't find my cat.

Sugs is a people cat.  He's affectionate and for the most part stays wherever people are.  If he sees an available hand or lap he is on it within seconds.  This excludes my lap however, he hasn't sat or shown any interest in sitting on my lap since I became pregnant.  During our move we brought the two cats over to explore the new house before all of our stuff arrived.  Sugs was the first cat to figure out the little holes in our kitchen that are perfect cat holes.  The vent is below the cat hole so the area stays nice and warm.

So one evening I had begged and pleaded with Rob to make his famous amazing cookie bars, which he won't share the recipe for.  He reluctantly agreed and started working away at them while I sat in the makeshift dining room we had put together for the night.  

As I sat in the lawn chair I realize that I haven't seen Sugs in a while.  So I call out to him, "Sugs! Meow!" I hear nothing, but of course it's a bigger place than we've had before and I'm sure he's exploring.  "Have you seen Sugs?" I ask Rob.

Rob being the more logical one steps back from the counter and looks in the cat hole. "He's in his spot."

"Ok, good." I was relieved because he seemed to like his little cat hole.

"We should make a sign that says, 'Sugs' Spot' and hang it above the cat hole," Rob suggests.  I laugh as it's a reference to Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory.

Five minutes later, completely forgetting the conversation we just had. I suddenly look around and say, "Sugs?" 

Rob stops what he's doing in the mixing bowl, looks over at me with a confused look and says, "He's in the cat hole."

"Oh, Ok..." It then dawns on me that we had this exact conversation five minutes earlier.  "I'm sorry, we already did this."

"It's ok dear." Rob says laughing.

While Rob puts the cookies in the oven we start talking about a different subject.  While in the middle of that conversation I start looking around the main level. Concern and confusion both sweeping over me.

"What are you doing?" Rob asks.

"Where is Sugs? Have you seen him?" I ask, and just as I finish saying it I gasp and cover my face with my hands while exclaiming, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Sweetie, it's ok. You have pregnancy brain.  Blame the baby," Rob says as he wraps his arms around me.

"I don't like it!" I complain then look to my stomach, "Baby you are grounded!"

The sudden confusion and concern that sweeps over me.  The constant concern that I am forgetting something important.  Feeling scatterbrained often, like I've suddenly come down with ADD and the worst case known.  The not remembering why I walked into the kitchen, or seeing something that needs to be accomplished and forgetting about it until later when I see it again.  Cursing myself for forgetting to switch loads of laundry when it was on my brain the first time.  These are all the signs of pregnancy brain and it sucks!

I found an article about the reality of pregnancy brain on WebMD.  Pregnancy brain can be caused by several factors including; lack of sleep, priority changes, stress, and even the rise in progesterone and estrogen.  To read more you can visit the article here.

In order to combat this awful side effect of pregnancy I started making a stronger effort to not forget things, of course little post-its or writing notes on scrap pieces of paper were not working.  I decided to use my phone, I always know where it is, I can utilize many features to keep track of things easier, and I can share things easily with Rob so he's always in the loop in case my mind forgets. 

First, I keep a calender. I have found that Google Calender works well because not only can I keep my activities straight but I can share the Calender with Rob so that he knows what is coming up as well.  Anything that I cannot forget immediately goes into the phone while I am thinking about it.  I don't take an appointment card, I enter the next appointment in my phone as I'm scheduling it.  If there is something I need to do on a certain day, it goes in the phone with a reminder so I know to do it.

Second, I keep lists.  Another app I have found useful is the ColorNote app.   I use it to put questions for the doctor in. I track my glucose levels and what I'm eating so the doctor can see them. I use it for grocery lists. If I find myself needing to accomplish a task, like getting the flu shot I make a note.

Third, I check my calender and my lists daily and sometimes multiple times throughout the day.  By keeping lists I can forget about certain things, like what I need at the store, until I am actually in the store.  I can forget questions for the doctor until I am at the doctor.  

These three steps are the easiest way for me to track the little things that I cannot forget.  I don't overdo it by downloading app after countless app.  By only using two apps, I make it easy on myself to check only those two things.  Only needing to remember two things is pretty great. It leaves my mind available for anything else that comes up.  Like address change forms, pre-registering at the hospital, finding a pediatrician, researching for my blogs, and sleeping.

I don't know what other pregnant women will tell you, or what their significant others will say for that matter, I can tell you pregnancy brain is real.  It's frustrating to constantly feel like you are forgetting something.  Add extra hormones and mood swings to the mix and all hell starts to break loose. The only advice I can give is this, if you are suffering from pregnancy brain know you are not alone. Partners, please be patient, one of you has to be.  Friends and family, after a little bit of time and once hormone levels return to normal your loved one will also return to normal, at least I hope so.

On the matter of the bed...

This blog post was created months ago but not posted at the time.  It's been shared here in retrospect.

The bed and the bedroom become a big topic of conversation when you are expecting a baby.  First of course you and your companion will most likely talk about if the baby will sleep in the bedroom with you.  We quickly decided this was not something that would be happening in our bedroom, nor would the baby be sleeping in bed with us.  Of course we did agree that as the child got older early Saturday morning family time watching cartoons would be acceptable.  To be honest, I'm totally looking forward to doing sandwiches with Rob.  As an FYI it's where you and your significant other hug with the child or pet in between you.

In short order I realized the pregnancy side effect of needing to pee urgently.  After a brief discussion with Rob about the way our tiny bedroom was set up, he offered up his side of the bed so that I would have a straight shot to the bathroom in those urgent, still sleeping, bathroom calls.  Of course no one and no article prepared me for the dreams.  That's right, dreaming away and suddenly I am dreaming of peeing, I awake suddenly every time and have to rush to the bathroom.  While I am grateful for the warning dreams, I am terrified that there'll be one instance that I won't make it on time.  This is causing me to sleep lighter than normal. 

When Rob and I first decided to move in with each other I had forewarned him about my nasty little habit of being a bed and blanket hog.  I also warned him about my grumpiness upon waking or being woken up.  My own father has described my waking as that of a scene from the exorcist where my head spins, pea soup shoots from my mouth, and I scream curses and obscenities towards the offender who hath woken me from my slumber.  My mother would often threaten to come armed with a long broom to wake me as I would sleep through three alarms.

While over the years I had managed to get better at sharing the covers or the bed, pregnancy has made it worse than ever before.  Part of this is due to being uncomfortable and turning every which way I possibly can to try to ease the back pain I have been experiencing lately.  However, during all my tossing and turning I end up wrapping myself into a cocoon before Rob even has a chance to get into bed.  So of course he battles a half sleeping Crystal trying to regain some of the covers back, if I awaken he is met with spinning head and growling.  It is a terrible battle that this brave soul must endure in order to survive the long chilly night. 

Finally it happened, Rob had predicted it.  I have confiscated pretty much every pillow on the bed.  I have surrounded myself with every possible pillow I can and every night I manage to find a just comfortable enough sleeping position that I am able to drift happily into sleep.  This of course has left Rob with the two flattest pillows on the bed, feel sorry for him.

One night however as Rob looked into our tiny bedroom, he saw no hope.  I had sprawled out over the entire bed while wrapping myself in blankets.  The only available spots had been taken over by the animals.  He sighed and I had evidently growled though he fails to provide proof of this. He grabbed an extra blanket went to his chair and slept there for the night.  When I awoke in the morning, I was confused and slightly upset until I saw that I had confiscated all pillows, all blankets, and the entirety of the bed.  I'm hopeful that this won't happen often though we have started discussions on getting a more comfortable recliner.

PIVOT!

It was May 2014. Rob and I were moving into a cheap little one bedroom apartment in order to save up some money. Between the two of us, we have moved ourselves at least 40 times over the span of our lives - we are seasoned professionals when it comes to moving.

I learned at a young age that a lot of times, while moving, couples will have at least one massive argument. This is only normal, seeing as moving is an extremely stressful ordeal. It's worse when you don't hire movers and you have to do all of the packing and hauling on your own. We entered this move knowing full and well that we would be stressed and likely in pain by the time it's done. Did I mention that it was 27 stairs up to our floor and the elevator in the building was out of order?

To help us have some fun during the move, I showed Rob a clip from "Friends" when Rachel and Chandler tried to help Ross move a sofa up a flight of stairs. Clip provided here for your reference / entertainment.

Because of this, during the move we would look at each other from time to time - especially when carrying a heavy piece of furniture up the tight staircases and say "Pivot!" - typically followed by laughter on both our parts. When the move was over we looked at each other and commented about how much fun we actually had moving with each other because we laughed our way through it.

We've just recently moved again - this time into a house that makes a lot more sense for our current situation. We decided that with the pregnancy that we would hire movers this time around. At one point, Rob suddenly got a nostalgic look on his face and turned to me ...

"I'm going to miss the pivot joke." He said in a pitifully sad voice.
"You'll still make the pivot joke sweetie," I reply.
"Like when you are in labor and I'm pushing you through the hospital in a wheelchair?" Rob said.

A word of advice to any man who's significant other is pregnant, do NOT say or do what Rob just suggested.

The Feels!!!!

Hormones are a bitch, let me tell you! For the most part, I'm pretty good about being able to recognize when I'm having a mood swing, though Rob may have something more to say about that. I'm a fairly easy person to read, you can tell when I am happy, angry, or sad. However, lately I have not even been able to properly decode my own moods. The slightest thing will send me into fits of laughter or waterfalls of tears.

I was browsing YouTube and a video of a cat protecting a kid sent me into tears. What the hell? I am not an emotional person, I normally can tighten that up real quick, not this time. This wasn't just a couple of tears leaking from my eyes like my allergies were acting up. I was full on snot and sobbing.

As I blew the snot from my nose and wiped the final tears from my eyes, I decided I didn't need another surprise like that. I started browsing other portions of the internet. I come across a gif image of two dogs eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with human hands. I was immediately hysterical with laughter! I couldn't breathe or speak! Shaking ... rocking back and forth ... clapping my hands.

At this point Rob is sitting at his desk and looking at me extremely confused. One minute I'm sobbing crying the next I am laughing hilariously. He knew about the mood swings but to have such extremes in a short period of time ... I can imagine would be a bit confusing.

While laughter and tears are easy to deal with, they don't compare my sudden moments of anger. I didn't notice it till I got aggravated about something there was no reason ever on this Earth to get aggravated about it. There was a moment where technology failed me and I completely flipped out. The extreme anger I felt in this moment sent me into such a flying rage that I stormed out of the apartment down the stairs to the front stoop where I sat for a few moments.

Within a few minutes I realized that I had a few other major worries at that moment in my life which were the real cause of my anger. Flipping out over a website not giving me an address I searched for was no way to handle the situation. I immediately burst into tears and as neighbors drove or walked past they all got a half concerned / half "look at this crazy bitch" look on their faces.

Rob has been amazing when dealing with my rapid mood swings. The shock and surprise of going from normal to extremely weepy or angry can put quite a toll on anyone within shouting distance. I am grateful to have Rob, because when I am finally feeling like I might have a little bit of understanding about my moods I can sit down and talk to him about them.

So ... while I continue to try to keep my feelings under better control, I find that I have to take extra time in everything I do to keep them that way. Until I have these stupid hormonal mood swings under control, I just stop and look at whoever is giving me a weird look and say "hormones."