The Final Frontier

Image borrowed from the documentary Trekkies by Denise Crosby.

Children: the final frontier.  These are the voyages of the starship Parenthood.  The continuing mission: to raise strange little humans, to guide their lives for the betterment of civilization, to boldly go where our own parents have gone before.

Yes ... I'm a sci-fi geek.  Yes ... we do have wives / girlfriends / significant others.  Yes ... we have children and become parents of little geeks.

Expect geek and/or nerd references to appear in my posts often.

Also, for the grammar nazis out there across the interwebs ... I have a tendency to abuse ellipses.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Crystal and I started this blog in part to catalog our adventures as parents.  While our (as of this writing) unborn child - hereafter referred to in my writings as Mini-Minion - will be her first, I feel like the seasoned veteran of the team with two sons of my own already as well as experience in the past with five step-children.

I hope to be able to use this space as a place though to not only record for posterity the events of our lives as parents, but also perhaps to entertain ... and even maybe bring attention to related issues in our society - a soap box of sorts - hopefully that will spark some meaningful discussion.  I have been known on occasion to get up on a soap box about issues.  (This is the internet ... everyone here has an opinion on something.)

AGAIN ... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Crystal asked me to take this post to give my story about the day we confirmed that we are indeed having a baby.  She already did a great job of telling the gist of the story on her first post titled "Pretty Pink Box" on Monday ... so ... I'm not going to rehash things but I will expound upon a few of the items she mentioned on her post.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ...

As Crystal alluded to in her post already, I was pretty certain that she was pregnant.  The positive test for me was simply a confirmation of what I already knew to be true.  How could I be so sure?  Past experience.  I have two children already, both of which were conceived at warp speed (gotta work in those Star Trek references) from the time that their mothers and I started trying.  Some have said I have super sperm.  I can't say with any certainty that I've got special abilities in this area, but my track record at this point speaks for itself.

I foresee a vasectomy in my future.  Well ... maybe.

Changes Ahead ...

Crystal mentioned briefly her thoughts about things that will or might change when pregnant.  For the benefit of any men reading this who have never experienced a pregnancy before, allow me to paint with words some of the things to look forward to.

First, let me address a few that Crystal mentions herself.

1.  If you're cat owners, you now have roughly 35-40 weeks of solo cat-box duty.  <sarcasm>Oh joy.</sarcasm>

2 .  I'm not a coffee drinker but I live with a woman who on some mornings would hold a gun to Juan Valdez's head himself, if necessary, to get a cup.  <sarcasm>This should be fun.</sarcasm>

3 .  On the subject of wine ... Benjamin Franklin once said something to the effect of "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."  <sarcasm>No wine.  No problem.</sarcasm>

4.  On the subject of food ... this is one area that actually becomes quite entertaining.  My personal favorite is to watch for strange food combinations.  Think ice cream and pickles.  No sarcasm tag needed here.

Now for a few she didn't consider.

1.  Bed pillows.  You don't have enough.  In fact, your woman, when pregnant, will become like the Borg ... she'll assimilate all of your pillows into her collective.  Resistance is futile.

2.  Mood.  Your pregnant woman may experience subtle mood swings.  These are caused by hormones.  You do not want to end up turning a mood swing into an argument.  Learn quickly how to roll with it.  You won't always be successful, but the effort is worth it.

3.  Boobs.  Yes, I said boobs.  Guys take note ... your woman's mammaries are going to kick into overdrive.  Regardless of how tempting they may be in their new super sized state ... DON'T.  Just don't.  More than likely, she's experiencing some level of discomfort.  You've been warned.  See Mood above.

4.  Pain.  I'm not referring to labor pain.  I'm talking about the pain of carrying around something inside of a human body shaped similar to a basketball and the associated aches that go with it.  Balance is affected.  Hip pain.  Leg pain.  Back pain.  Be ready to hear about it and to answer the call when asked to rub my back please!

There's plenty that I've left unsaid on this topic.  Every person and every pregnancy is different.  Your mileage may vary.

The Payoff ...

After the sacrificing of wine and coffee (oh and let's not forget salt if the doctor orders it), the food cravings, the morning sickness, the aches & pains, the mood swings ... and the joys of delivery (I have stories I could tell ... but you won't dare catch me posting them here) ... you get to do this ...

Mini-Geek (Left) and Mini-Ninja (Right) on the days they were born.

Holding your new little human being for the first time.  There is NOTHING in the world like it ... and in about 28 more weeks I get to do it again.  Right now, regardless of whatever else life might throw at me I'd have to say that it's pretty awesome to be me.  I get another opportunity to share love with a little piece of me and to guide and educate a little human life so that he or she may someday trek out into the final frontier and boldly go.