Dog Diary: Life With a Baby

We thought it would be interesting to get a glimpse into the perspective that our dog, Chance, has on life with a new baby. To that end, here is a day in Chance's life ...

4:30AM

The little hairless dog woke up again. He whines and daddy puts this weird thing in its mouth. I believe it is some sort of muting device to keep the little one quiet. I am grateful for it, but it malfunctions sometimes and the little one will continue to whine or scream. Daddy goes to the kitchen and I must follow him. Maybe he'll give me bacon.

4:45AM

There was no bacon, instead daddy prepared the backup muting device in case the small one fails.

5:00AM

The small muting device is failing again. Daddy takes the distressed hairless dog out of the topless cage and applies the bigger muting device. Peace has once more been restored. I shall go back to bed until mommy awakes.

6:45AM

Daddy wakes mommy from her slumber. The smell of that wonderful drink mommy doesn't let me have wafts through the air. She says I can't have it because it will make me hyperactive.

7:00AM

Mommy gets a cup of her drink and sits in her spot on the bed I have claimed in the living room. I'm such a good boy for sharing my bed with my mommy and daddy, if only they wouldn't kick me off of it when they decide to eat in the living room. Mommy is attaching a machine to her built-in pillows. This used to concern me but mommy doesn't seem to mind it even though it makes a funny noise.

8:00AM

Daddy applies the big muting device again as the small one.... wait! Mommy is putting on shoes, could this mean what I think it means? I get to go outside! Mommy is taking me outside! Yay!

8:30AM

The hairless dog smells delicious! I want to eat what he made but mommy and daddy keep taking the bag full of all the delicious stuff out to the big bin in the driveway when they leave. They must be hording the deliciousness for themselves. I wish they were as good at sharing as I am.

9:00AM

The hairless dog is put into a bucket. How come daddy doesn't carry me wherever I want to go? Mommy, daddy, and the hairless one go down to the subterranean cave, which means it's my nap time.

Maybe if he had more hair he wouldn't need as many blankets.

10:45AM

I am awakened by mommy moving from another bed I have graciously shared with her (it's not as big as the one in the living room but it is comfortable). I follow her as she goes to the kitchen ... I'm sure I'll get bacon this time!

11:00AM

Mommy did not give me bacon. THIS IS AN INJUSTICE! I am saddened. She is now using the big mute plug on the little hairless dog ... which confuses me because the small one was working just fine. I shall nap again and ponder this behavior.

12:00PM

Daddy leaves the cave to hunt for food for mommy and himself. I am sure to get a bite of this deliciousness. I watch as he prepares what they call "sammiches". HE DROPPED A SMALL PIECE! MINE! NOM NOM NOM!

1:00PM

Mommy leaves the small bed in the cave to wash the weird machine she attaches to her built-in pillows. I'm beginning to believe she is trying to pull all the stuffing out of them as the large muting device is attached to it and it collects what comes out of the pillows. She'd better be careful or her pillows won't have any more stuffing.

1:45PM

Mommy readies the large muting device again. Still no bacon. I believe there is no more bacon and I shall never have it again. Mommy did take me to run in the yard again, and I am grateful to be able to run and not have a leash.

2:00PM

The little one created another treat. I had hoped they would share it with me but mommy has put it in a bag to be taken to the big bin outside. Again mommy uses the large muting device on the little hairless dog ... and just in time too! The small one was starting to fail again. Perhaps they should return it and get a new one. I will nap again in the cave.

3:30PM

I have chased the cats away from the small hairless dog while mommy uses the machine again. Maybe the machine is fluffing the pillows to make them more comfortable? I believe the cats are trying to recruit the hairless dog to their side. I will not stand for their evil ways! I shall... EEK! The one they call "Spicy" tried to scratch me. I am forced to retreat.

4:00PM

Mommy has taken the hairless dog and laid him on my blanket in the cave! I'll show the hairless dog how to lay properly on the blanket. I'm very good at sharing.

5:00PM

Daddy is using the big mute button on the hairless dog. Mommy seems to be cooking something. Time to investigate.

5:10PM

Mommy is cooking bacon! I knew they had bacon! They better share with me! I have been hard at work watching the hairless dog all day!

5:45PM

Mommy and daddy have removed me from the bed in the living room as they sit to eat the bacon. I am positive they will not share with me. The hairless dog is in another small cage in the living room. This cage has no roof - similar to the one in the little hairless dog's bedroom. Maybe there is a force field over the top to keep him in his cage?

6:00PM

I GOT BACON! Time for another nap.

7:35PM

The hairless dog is yelling and the muting device is not working. Daddy starts walking with the hairless dog in his arms ... pacing the living room. I must follow.

7:40PM

I have been told to lay on the bed in the living room. I guess I was following daddy and the hairless dog too closely.

7:45PM

Daddy prepares the large mute button while mommy removes another delicious snack from the hairless one. She applies some sort of cream to the hairless dog. I believe this is to help solve the hairless problem.

8:00PM

Mommy is using the large mute button on the hairless dog again. She told me I'm a good boy. Yes I am!

9:00PM

The hairless one is put into the open roofed cage in the other bedroom. Mommy comes with me to watch as I run in the yard again. I keep trying to teach her how to run in the yard but she fails and does it on her hind legs only. Daddy has gone to bed. Maybe I will join him. The hairless dog really exhausts me.

10:00PM

Mommy is attaching the machine to her again. I can hear the noise. I investigate to make sure she is okay. While she seems fine I am certain that this machine is of no good. I will watch it closely to ensure it doesn't come after the others in the house.

11:00PM

Mommy is done with the machine and washing parts of it at the sink. I know there is no more bacon available today so I will go sleep next to daddy again.

12:00AM

Mommy has gone to bed which means I am now on duty to watch the house. It's tough being me! I think I will watch the house from right here at mommy and daddy's feet.

1:00AM

ZZZ ... Zzz ... zzz ...

Things Nobody Tells You About ...

When you are having a baby everyone will tell you about the long nights, napping when the baby naps, the love you feel towards your child.  There are several things that no one tells you about though.  Maybe it's because there is no possible way to prepare you for these events.  Maybe no one says anything so they can laugh on the inside when it happens to you.  Possibly it's because no one remembers these things as the child grows up.

The Anxiety Ridden Dog

We had known that Chance would be a wonderful dog when our new little addition arrived. It was proven when we brought Lucas home for the first time. While Rob and I were greeted ecstatically by Chance, he calmly sniffed the baby before returning to belly rubs.

Within a week Chance would lick Lucas's hairy little head and cuddle nearby the baby.  While we continue to be aware of Chance and the cats while they are near Lucas we feel a little bit better about their interactions.

There is one exception, anytime Lucas squawks or starts crying Chance starts feeling anxiety.  He doesn't know why the baby is crying or how he can make it better, so he starts pacing, watching our every move, laying nearby, or following us wherever we go with his little human.  This of course leads to Chance getting underfoot and then being told to lay down, which on some occasions he refuses to do because that means being more than two feet away from "his" baby.

We've started to invite Chance next to us when the baby is squawking or crying so that he can see that the baby is fine and being taken care of.  This seems to help somewhat.  Now when we must walk around with a fussy baby in our arms, Chance has become comfortable.

The cats are ... well cats.  They don't seem to care if Lucas cries. Spice is simply waiting for the tiny human to become mobile and big enough to give her attention and help her take over the world.  Sugs is keeping a close eye on the little servant as seen in the picture below. By the way, this type of behavior no longer happens as the cats learned quickly that being in the crib meant being assaulted with a squirt bottle.

I still laugh at fart sounds.

There is a misconception that your small infant would only make burping or farting sounds as loud as a whisper.  This illusion is quickly shattered that first time burping.  That first belch from my child had me looking at him as though he was suddenly a college student at a frat party.  Rob and I both laughed loudly at the impressive sound coming forth from our son.

As time goes on, spit up happens as well.  Of course the towel, rag, or burp cloth you use will be completely missed by projectile spit up and it will end up all over whatever shirt you are wearing.  I have succumbed to wearing only Rob's white tee shirts or old concert tees that I still own.  No one told me that feeling sexy or attractive during this wonderful time would be out of the question.  It's not like I have time to blow dry and curl my hair or even apply make up anyways.

I was even more impressed with the first fart I heard blast out of Lucas.  I laughed and immediately posted to social media how epic this fart was.  What people don't tell you is that, within a fairly short time period, you start knowing which farts are just gas and which ones have a lovely mustard colored gift accompanying it.

Four diapers in one hour.

One evening while I was trying to get Lucas to go to sleep, I heard one of his epic farts.  I waited ten minutes before changing in order to avoid being pooped on.  After changing him I went back to getting him to fall asleep.  Ten minutes later there came a rumble and juicy sound from my child's behind, I changed him immediately as he was getting closer to falling asleep.  Twenty minutes after he fell asleep on me, I was about to set him back in his crib when he let another juicy one go.  The rumble woke him from his precious slumber, so I immediately changed him.  I was certain my child was doing it on purpose at this point in an effort to troll his mother.  At this point he's now wide awake.  I looked at the clock and knew if I didn't start the process of heating a bottle he would only wake up shortly after putting him down wanting to be fed.  As I went to go pick him up from the napper on our Pack-N-Play to feed him I hear yet another rumble.

He finally fell asleep after his feeding.  He slept decently that night, allowing for a very tired daddy to get some extra sleep.  The next day, however, he continued the trolling of his parents by doing the same things to Rob.  It seems that daddy was not safe from Lucas's pranks.

The need for a shower!

No one ever tells you that when you have an infant and your life is suddenly busy figuring out schedules and tending to the needs of a little one that simple pleasures, like showering, just fall to the wayside.  I know this sounds disgusting, and quite frankly it is disgusting.  You smell like breast milk, spit up, and poop.  This is not a flattering aroma.

The real reason you long for a shower however is because it is time alone! Getting into the shower - letting hot water run over you - for a brief moment in the day, it's just you.  There's no baby, no breast pump, no animals, no significant other; just a moment to yourself.  Sometimes you take this moment to cry curled up on the bottom of the tub.  Not for any particular reason, but that your hormones are still adjusting and you just need to cry.  The shower becomes a very important part of your life because it's where you can be you.

I'm a teenager again!

Remember when you were a teenager and you changed your outfit a few times before leaving?  I did. It's kinda like that again, except you're not changing to look good, you're changing to stop smelling like poop or spit up. You're changing as often as you change your child.  Why did no one tell me that the need to do laundry wouldn't increase because of baby clothes, but because I would run out of clothes to wear.

One day while taking care of the spit up monster, I was trying to get some laundry done as well. The pediatrician appointment was the next day and I had not a single item to wear.  You then notice that all of Lucas' "easy" zip up footie pajama's are dirty as well.  This is a big problem because when you are at the doctor's office you need to be able to easily change the baby into and out of his clothes lest you incur the wrath of screaming baby.  I was frantically changing loads of laundry in between feedings, diaper changes, floor time, and cuddling.  I almost did not notice the one red item that somehow mixed in with our whites.  Luckily we were spared gaining a new pink wardrobe.

I have become a pillow!

People sometimes wonder why parents of an infant have a hard time getting things done.  I wonder how other parents get things done.  On days or weeks like this past one, when my son decides he just wants a person to hold him all day and all night, I have found myself becoming a pillow.  He's comfortable on my chest, so that's where I put him.  I lay down with him there and watch Netflix while he sleeps away.  Sure I could put him in his napper after I know he's sufficiently asleep, but why would I do that when he's like this?

Or even when they are BOTH like this?

Cuddling the most important people in my life.  It makes smelling like baby, having spit up on my shoulder, hair a mess, and not feeling like a human being worth it.